Bet you thought I'd dropped off the face of the earth!

Well, I did on the dieting front that's for sure!

Gosh, so much has happened since I last posted - not all good, not all bad. I no longer work for a LA I know work for myself - eeek! I took voluntary redundancy to focus on our little carpet and flooring business in Stamford. I much prefer this work, but unfortunately it comes without a guarantee of pay and without parental leave etc. Last night my little girl (and hubby) were being sick all night, this morning my little boy joined the puke party, but although I really want to join I am in our shop as without me being here and hubby dragging himself in to fit some carpet (and the mother in law being dragged over to watch the poorly babies) we couldn't open and if we don't open we loose trade and if we loose trade we fold!

I have had a lot of stresses in the past couple of months (well years to be honest) and this week I have come to realise that the one area of my life I control badly is eating. I am a control freak to my very core, yet food controls me. I can no longer afford emotionally, physically or financially for this to be the case. I also can no longer afford to do Dukan (with a very low income - when it's even there - we have to all be eating the same foods, so Dukan is no longer an option); I can't afford a slimming class (well, I could if I gave up Zumba, but I LOVE zumba and it helps me to reboot on so many levels); yet I can't afford not to get my weight under control.

In 6 years I have gained 7 stone! Now that's just down right ridiculous not to mention extremely dangerous. I look at fat people and think "gosh how did they let that happen", yet now I am one of those people who let it happen.

My name is Olivia and I am an emotional eater!

So, I decided to do what all the diet companies tell us... I went to my GP. I need a way to break the cycle of emotional eating and I need to break it now once and for all.

My GP was much nicer than I was expecting and I will be following her advice - and taking a little medication to help break my emotional eating cycle. So, here I am, back again (that's a song isn't it?) and as of yesterday am I had crept back up to a whopping 19 stone and an embarrassing BMI of 40 (that's dead I think on the NHS scales, not morbidly obese just plain old dead!), I'm not hiding it in the corner like of old, I am being bold and getting back on the horse.

There'll be no daily weigh in, my GP wants me back in a month for a weigh in, I'd like to hold out until then but know I won't be able to, so I will do a Monday weekly weigh in.

Fingers crossed I can break this cycle and get back to being me!

I'm BAAAAACCCCCCKKKKK

Sorry I've been AWOL, but to say that March has been a difficult month would be an understatement and Dukan went out of the window along with my positive mental attitude and the ability to pay for healthy food, but tomorrow is a new month and a new start.

I'm not going to harp on about how terrible March was, but lets just say that considering it was my birthday month it was definitely the worst month of I would say my life. I am afraid to say that I have used food as my emotional crux, I guess I hadn't been on Dukan long enough to have worked through those issues, but in the same breath I guess the issues have also been too great.

However, I have now made some life plan decisions - which we will she how pan out - and as from tomorrow am back on the horse. Lets hope I haven't gained all I lost as I haven't weighed myself in a long while...

A time to regroup

Things are really rubbish at home at the moment, it's my last few days of maternity leave and I really do not want to go back to work, but we are monumentally skint because of me being on maternity leave so I really have to :(

Anyway, unfortunately this is all taking it's toll on my weightloss war :( no money to shop means eating from the freezer, which was filled pre Dukan and is our "emergency" food stash, so nothing healthy really. I am still having my oat bran and trying to follow Dukan as much as possible, but the reality of the current situation is that carbs are in the freezer / cupboard and protein is in the shop where money is needed to purchase it.

I am going to be a little AWOL for a while, at least until James completes his fitting job on Sunday and we finally have money on Monday to shop.

SO, I have failed in my re-evaluated goal of losing 2 stone before returning to work, but I have passed the 1 stone off task. Amazingly I have stayed the same this week, which I am surprised at to be honest, but hopefully some of the good practises I have adopted are helping.

I know that once back at work things will be easier as a) I'll get paid :) and b) I'll be back in the office and under the scrutiny of the thin people LOL

Fingers crossed I can just keep it off until I can get back on track and then I can hammer it home (and also start Zumba and Yoga as I'll have a wage again - woo hoo)

I hope to be back sooner than I think as tonight I was really down because I was eating a pizza - since when has eating pizza been something to be down about? Since I want to be following the diet that was working for me!